Poor ol’ Polonius falls victim to Hamlet’s crazy antics. Despite his somewhat nosy behavior, anyone who has Ophelia as a daughter probably deserves a drink. Here we bring you one of the hundreds of possible variations on a Bloody Mary.

You will need:

• Vodka
• Tomato juice
• 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 1 tsp lemon juice
• 1 lemon slice
• 1 pinch of celery salt
• 1/2 tsp freshly grated horseradish
• Tabasco
• Black pepper

Prepare a tall glass with a couple of ice cubes and: the lemon slice, Worcestershire sauce, lemon juice, celery salt, Tabasco, the fresh horseradish, and a few twists of freshly ground black pepper. Stir it all together enough to coat the ice cubes with the concoction. Pour two parts tomato juice and one part vodka and stir really really well! Garnish with a speared pickle or celery stalk or heck, why not both. Enjoy. Happy Friday!

Art by Laura C.

Photos by Jasmin Risk. 

Please be advised that as a confessional poet, and a student in the school of Hamlet, that my poetry is often intended for a specific person. That being said, these were the least offensive poems i could curate outside of a more specific context. Also, for fun, while reading, try wearing all black, unseasonable clothing whilst looking out the nearest window with your head tilted to a perfect 45 degree angle, listening to the Tennesse Waltz by Ms. Patsy Cline.

lax girl

the way former high school athletes

feel when spring approaches,

a dancing nostalgia

crippled with failure.

MOM

right now I know you’d like to be

dipping fries in a McDonald’s milkshake.

i’ve loved you since the 5th grade.

question is will you be able to open the PDF

i just sent you of my most recent tax form?

i do like the way your eyes behave across glass

after

is there a river that goes?

will any of these people

continue to matter?

shoot me in the foot.

the beautiful baby that you

are creating could have been

our baby.

i am going to be sad about

you for guess what

the rest of my life.

sparkle and shine

‘what is the true price of an ICEE?’

I think on my way to the nook of your arm

on a Friday at 1pm.

i would like to bring back the aborted,

ask them if the glow of heaven is better.

So I’ve compiled some of my favorite tips and tricks for you all; the next time you feel like getting existential all by your lonesome, you’ll know what’s up.

1. Set the mood. I live in a tiny dorm room with highly sensitive fire alarms, so candles are out. However, technology is fun. All you have to do is watch the following video. It’s 60 minutes of floating candles in the rain.

Optional extra step: If you’re a yuppie or a college undergrad, you can make your life 800% better by downloading the flux app for your MacBook and setting your computer’s glow to “candle,” because it’s 2013, and this is how we do it.

2. Look the part. If you aren’t wearing the right trappings and suits for your woe, how will people know not to take you seriously? My ideal soliloquy look is definitely Severus Snape meets Taylor Momsen, but feel free to express yourself. It’s a free country. And while you’re at it, take a couple of agonized selfies.

#TOLBO: thou only livest but once.

3. Pick your topic. I just finished finals, so the only thing I really have to complain about right now is the Summer Television Agony Coma™ (STAC). It’s like, I want to go out into the world and be active, ride a bike, have my hair braided by birds, and become Jennifer Lawrence once and for all, but I’m also incapable of doing anything but lying in the fetal position for 10 straight hours, eating Cheez-its, and crying about Tim Riggins. That’s really stressful for me.

4. Find a morbid prop. The most morbid thing I own at the moment is actually just a worn-in copy of Hamlet. If you’ve got a human skull on hand, uh…why? But also, use that. Alas, poor Yorick. He probably had it coming.

5. Wax poetic. Just go for it, bro. (And don’t forget about iambic pentameter.)

Oh, what a sad and lazy slave am I!
Is it not monstrous that this young adult,
Entrapped by fiction, by some fake adventure,
Could force her soul so to her own conceit,
That for fake people all her visage wanned,
Tears in her eyes, distraction in her aspect,
A broken heart, and her whole function sitting,
Trapped by the TV — and all for nothing!
For TIM RIGGINS!

What’s Tim Riggins to me? Or me to Tim Riggins,
That I should weep for him? His flowing hair,
The way he threw that football to that kid.
Who AM I? I would flood my room with tears
And talk off my acquaintances’ ears,
Make mad my mother and appall my friends,
Confound the internet, and amaze indeed
The very writers who made Riggins up.

Shreddies!

Y’all don’t have these in the U.S., sorry boo.

Hamlet Week + Cereal Tuesday = this:

Flavor: 8/10

Call me a renaissance man, but I love the simplicity of this cereal’s flavor. They also come in a honey flavor, but I really think this original kind is sweet enough. Granted, I added a few handfuls of blueberries. But they show it on the box, so I’m pretty sure that’s a requirement of some sort.

Crunch: 7/10

Methinks the cereal doth crunch too much (at first)– doth crunch too little after thou soak in thine milk for a few minutiae.

Branding: 7.2/10

I’m proud to call this a cereal of the Kingdom and it’s colonies. I like excluding the United States whenever possible. So it gets points for that. I also like the classic cereal box-iness of this: bright yellow and full of fun!  I also freaking love this genius Shreddies commercial from a couple years ago.

Fun: 6/10

Well they aren’t NOT fun, but I DID have to add all them blueberries… this was a tough call for sure. Points for being fun even when I was listening to that Hamlet soliloquy.

Overall Satisfaction: 8/10

Can’t go wrong with the Shreddies. My mom loves these things, which is the only reason why I’ve ever actually had them, or else I’m positive I would have forgotten they exist. Whether a square or a diamond shape, they are delicious and nutritious like I like ‘em.

Cereal On!

The Lion King (1994) – Ale

A lion haunted by his father’s idea of who he should be. Someone at Disney pitched that. Someone actually pitched, “Let’s make Hamlet- WITH LIONS!” And thank God they did. The Lion King is not only a fantastic animated movie, it is an achievement in film adaptation. It may be the magic of the musical numbers or the ensemble voice cast: Hans Zimmer score, Elton John and Tim Rice lyrics; Matthew Broderick, James Earl Jones, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, Nathan Lane, and Jeremy freakin’ Irons.

How about the story? For a kiddie film at the height of Disney Animation, The Lion King packs a punch facing the themes of duty, power, murder, and self-actualization. Introduced to the stable, loving glow of Mufasa’s wisdom, only to be thrust into Scar’s dastardly plans, we see more clearly the political environment Shakespeare deprived his audience at the start of the play.

Disney did a great job walking the line of tragedy and comedy, which is ever-so-prevalent in Hamlet.  Simba finally overcomes his ghosts, (both literal and figurative) after being as moody and angsty as the melancholy Dane, to truly earn his place at Pride Rock.

While not being accurate to the Bard’s work, (don’t use this in place of SparkNotes) The Lion King captures the essence of Hamlet. I think of it as the success story that Hamlet himself never had, like in an alternate universe, where everyone but Claudius learned from their mistakes.

Hamlet (2009) – Taylor

“So you’re telling me that The Doctor and Jean-Luc Picard did Hamlet???” Bitch I might be. No, don’t go. I don’t mean to be vague — David Tennant and Patrick Stewart are 100% in this version of Hamlet, and it is 100% the best version of any play that I have ever seen, ever. Am I being dramatic? Bitch, I am. But I’m also not exaggerating. David Tennant’s Hamlet is exactly as I imagined him when I first read the play: grieving, zany, bitter, but never “crazy.” He plays on the performative aspects of the character, convincing the others that he’s mad while assuring the audience that he is but mad “north-north-west.” (When the wind is southerly, he knows the difference between a hawk and a handsaw, and probably other things, too. Just an inference.)

Stewart’s Claudius is charming and chilling. Gertrude believable as both Queen and mother. Ophelia submissive but never weak. Polonius lovable despite his annoyances. The cast is flawless, and I’ve never been so profoundly moved by anything in my life. Like, fucking watch this soliloquy and tell me it didn’t make you shit your pants. I’ll wait.

Hamlet (2000) – Gabrielle

The “To Be or Not To Be” speech happens as an angsty voiceover in a Blockbuster. What else do you expect from Ethan Hawke, honestly? 

Let’s be honest. I watched this movie for the cast, and not because it was an adaptation of The Greatest Play of All Time According to Most People.  That doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate the story, but the way an audience approaches a movie changes how they view it, and that’s important. I’m not here to talk about the dramaturgical choices that were made to determine what lines were cut or how scenes were interpreted. I’m here to tell you that Dale Cooper might be evil, and Ethan Hawke spent the 90s not aging. There’s some other things too, of course, like the fact that the director found some pretty cool ways to deal with Hamlet’s intense monologuing – my favorite of which were the moments when Hamlet would leave voicemails, especially in the ‘Get thee to a nunnery’ scene with Ophelia.

The costumes were awesome in a hilarious way, especially Ophelia’s pants, which could easily have fit the entire cast, and Polonius’ apartment is my new dream home.  The thing about this version of Hamlet is you have to like the cast, because that’s really what this movie is about – it’s getting to watch these actors do Shakespeare, and the setting only serves to free the actors from acting in any period that isn’t modern. It’s not Hamlet, it’s Ethan Hawke as Hamlet, and it’s Julia Stiles as Ophelia, Billy Murray as Polonius, Kyle MacLachlan as Claudius. It works because the actors are good at what they’re doing, but sometimes I found myself waiting for Claudius to start talking to Diane through his tape recorder.  (Bonus – this movie is on Netflix streaming!)

Hamlet 2 (2008) – Kellie

This is my kind of Hamlet movie. The crappy highschool drama teacher and his gang of delinquent youths create magic when they throw together an original production entitled “Hamlet 2” in order to save the drama department. Part School of Rock, part Save the Last Dance, part Amy Poehler, and mostly dirty jokes the Bard would approve of. “My life is a parody of a tragedy”. (And let’s not forget the musical number “Rock Me, Sexy Jesus”).

Strange Brew (1983) – Mike

Strange Brew isn’t exactly Hamlet on ice, but the boys Bob and Doug McKenzie, who started humbly as a two-minute filler sketch on SCTV, find themselves scheming against the Elsinore brewery. They meet Pam, whose father dies and whose mother marries her uncle Claude, the evil mastermind behind a poisoned beer that’s distributed across Canada. When my dad first showed me Strange Brew way back when, I had no idea, but it’s very clear what’s going on here.

I don’t think it can or should be judged on its authenticity to Bill, that’s not why the Hamlet references are there. Combining slapstick and academia is such a high concept to me. Imagine Robin Williams in Dead Poet’s Society delivering all his lines in his Death to Smoochie outfit. Bob and Doug could be compared to Rosencrantz & Guildenstern, but I favour the idea that a great story is worth retelling, even if the names are changed, and a hockey game distracts the king instead of a play.

Other adaptations:

Hamlet (1948), aka the Laurence Olivier version

Hamlet (1990), aka the Mel Gibson version

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (1990)

Hamlet (1996), aka the Kenneth Branagh version

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Undead (2009)

Songs inspired by the troubled romance that was Hamlet and Ophelia – your own personal soundtrack to Hamlet Week on inconnu.

Vaquero Playground’s mantra, according to founder John J King, is fun, cheap, and dirty. Their production of From Denmark with Love – an original script by King adapting Shakespeare’s Hamlet as a 12th century James Bond superspy film — achieves exactly that.

It was fun.

This play combined the cheesiest parts of the James Bond films with the absurdity and expression of live theatre. Our fourth wall was smashed over and over again as every title to every Bond film was snuck into the script. The actors nailed the fight scenes with quick, convincing movements, the dialogue was half-shouted out of the excitement of the carnival speed at which the story moved along, and the cast was clearly enjoying each other’s company. As for it’s authenticity and faithfulness to the Bard, it was set up to follow linearly, but a few plot points were devoted more time than others, or changed completely. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were combined into one bombshell superspy Bond girl named “Goldiestern,” “Heratio” was Hamlet’s quartermaster, and King Claudius reminded me very strongly of a retired Austrian governor.

Every point made its way home, but the absurdity and in-and-out-of-character puns became the focus very quickly. If I’m being critical, it was like any of the films based on SNL skits — sure, the jokes were great, but bludgeoning the audience with them for two hours might send a few patrons home sour. Polonius was particularly jarring as a Mike Myers-esque Scottish brute who shouted most of his lines and tumbled across the stage in a very revealing kilt.

It was cheap.

Student tickets were five dollars, but they filled a glass bottle with cotton balls to look like milk, and I’ve seen Claudius’ crown on six-year-olds at Halloween. Ophelia fell in a river of poisoned milk King Claudius was shipping all over Europe to wipe the population clean and rebuild his master race of environmentally-conscious boutique furniture enthusiasts, and the river was represented by two stage hands on either wing waving a long white sheet. The jokes were cheap too; as Ophelia drowns she quotes Kelis’ “Milkshake,” which was honestly more surprising than it was humorous.

An interesting dynamic came up that I didn’t notice right away, or at least didn’t consider its ramifications at first: Claudius and Hamlet were played by the same actor. Daniel Jones did a fantastic job, and at the climax of the adaptation, he runs off backstage as Claudius in cape and crown, and as quickly as humanly possible enters stage right as Hamlet in pursuit. It was raw, but it worked for the absurd imagery of the poor guy leaping in and out of costume backstage in roughly five seconds.

It was dirty.

From Denmark with Love was on par with to if not a bit beyond any of the raunchiest Bond films in terms of its cheap one-liners, masochism, misogyny, and sex scenes. Gertrude’s sexual tension with her son was definitely amped up, and Ophelia’s fit of madness manifested itself as a drunken lust craze. The entire play’s puns-per-minute count must be in the triple digits.

Shakespeare is old, and so is Bond, so it’s exciting to see just how far away we can get from the originals while still maintaining the incredible story that started it all.

What it lacked in authenticity, it definitely made up for with the egregiously fun, cheap, and dirty experience.

If you’re in the Boston area, check out Vaquero Playground for more information, and check out John J King’s indiegogo campaign for some quick insight to the play.

Hello inconnu-babes, Wonderly here! We thought that since the masterminds behind this lovely site wrote about its inception over on Wonderly.com, we would talk about ours here.  It’s only the beginning of our journey, and it’s seriously been a blast so far.

Once upon a time in a land far far away — okay, it was just Los Angeles — Wonderly was created.  The offspring of the YouTube network and media company Big Frame, Wonderly was just an idea that a small team at Big Frame thought could really help some incredibly talented, and unfortunately underserved, female content creators.  We realized that they weren’t getting the type of attention and views on their videos that they should have been.  It was important to us to empower these creators and wanted a brand that inspired up-and-comers as well.

After MANY late-night, pizza-consuming sessions (and that was just for the name alone) Wonderly and what it represents was born!

Next, we worked with the amazingly talented Karen Kavett on the Wonderly logo. We wanted to have the women in our new community help with as much of the branding as possible, since this was about them and their creativity! What she came up with was better than what we could have imagined.

So, this…

Logo mood board from Karen Kavett

Became this….

To kick things off, we hosted our first Wonderly weekend, with a select group of channels we wanted to invite into the Wonderly world, and celebrated their creativity, intelligence and overall vision. This was extra entertaining for all of us, because we allowed everyone invited to start Tweeting, Facebook-ing, and Instagram-ing everything they were doing yet no one knew anything about Wonderly… yet!  The response was incredible and we were off to a successful start.  This also led to plenty of separation anxiety when we all parted ways to return to making videos, building the Wonderly website, and scouring the internet for more like-minded creators to join in the fun.  We’ve survived thanks to plenty of G+ Hangouts and Skype sessions from far corners of the world… and at all hours of the day and night!

      The night we launched the website!

Their attitude towards Wonderly in the beginning has helped us create the amazing community we have today.  We launched our website on January 16, 2013 and now we have over 80 channels that are a part of Wonderly and our new Friends of Wonderly communities, and girls from ALL over the world submit their videos and blog posts to us daily.   We are so proud of what we’ve accomplished so far and continue to push ourselves to inspire more young women [and men -- WONDER-HE, anyone?] to keep speaking their minds and creating great content.

We have BIG plans for the future and hope all of you will stick with us for the ride.

xoxo,

The Wonderly Team

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