*Or any day you feel like it, really.

1. Tell them you’re thinking of moving to Los Angeles.
2. When they ask what smells funny, tell them that you read online that it’s not healthy to wash your hair every week.
3. Bleed from your mouth.
4. Tell them you’re seriously considering marrying your boyfriend of 2 months, who’s an exotic dancer and is 9 years your senior.
5. Tell them you have converted to Scientology.
6. Have wild convulsions any time someone touches you.
7. Tell them you’re strictly vegan, and therefore will not be attending their Groundhog’s Day party this year.
8. Silently weep as you eat your tuna salad sandwich, in front of your co-workers.
9. Drop out of University to move to Brooklyn and pursue your dream of being a writer.
10. Act like Nicolas Rage:

- Kellie Hogan